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The First Songs in the World

by Where Is Your Dog Now?

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1.
You try to find the world inside your head You run and hide but still, you end up dead Take me to that special place I know from dreams and lies Cover your eyes You don’t need those anymore You read and write but never understand You train and fight but can’t defend the land Open up, I’m here for you You can tell me anything We could have the clearest view if you throw away that wedding ring You sit and stare but you can’t look within You wait and swear your life will soon begin You’ll go to that special place you know from dreams and lies Cover your eyes (Open up, I’m here for you) You don’t need those anymore (You can tell me anything) You don’t need those anymore (We could have the clearest view) You don’t need those anymore (If you throw away that wedding ring) You don’t need those anymore
2.
Reflection 03:06
Staring at the same face every day Waiting on the words that it’s gonna say Waking up the four-eyed human Lever stuck and now I’m fuming Operate the speech, but nothing arrives They’re all gonna think he’s a pretty mean guy I can’t say the things I’m thinking unless you take me out drinking And my body is a vessel, a receptacle for you to do anything you wanna do I am your reflection, and you’re mine, too Taking baby steps in my adult diapers Feeling pretty low like it’s a cry for “Help me please, I’m in a bind, you can’t get me off your mind” Lifting up a foot and now I’m walking Tonguing at my cheek, that’s how I’m talking I output the words you see through, that’s why I’ll never believe you And my body is a vessel, a receptacle for you to do anything you wanna do I am your reflection, and you’re mine, too Open up my mind, open up your soul Step into my brain with your heart of gold I’m trying, I’m trying Open up my mind, open up your soul Step into my brain with your heart of gold I’m trying, I’m tryyyyyyyy— —and my body is a vessel, a receptacle for you to do anything you wanna do I am your reflection And my body is a vessel, a receptacle for you to do anything you wanna do I am your reflection, and you’re mine, too
3.
The landlord tells me to be quiet So the next night, I start a riot He texts me, calls me a pest I tell him, “When you see your wife, give her my best” He tries to change the locks on my door I start picturing him dead on the floor I think I’m often pretty kind But when this man comes around, I got murder on the mind (Murder on the Mind) Murder on the Mind I go downtown to the pharmacy They say they got free flu shots for the arm, you see But even with insurance, it costs five bucks And with no insurance, you’re shit out of luck I tell ‘em, “That’s pretty problematic” And I start picturing their bodies in my attic They say if you need cash, you better grind Ooh, and when they say that, I tell ya I got murder on the mind (Murder on the Mind) Murder on the Mind Sometimes I think about life And why so many people can’t do it right Here I am at the top of my game You’re telling me no one else is to blame? That’s a shame (Murder on the Mind) You should know, I’m only kidding I’m not gonna kill ya, stop shitting This whole song, it’s just a joke But if you try to run, I’m no slowpoke I guess people have their flaws And I don’t have to picture their bodies in my claws But if you keep peeling me like a rind, I might take that murder into the world And off the mind (Murder on the Mind) Murder on the Mind
4.
Cave 02:35
I’ve been working so long, I’ve forgotten what food tastes like when it comes from a stove I’ve been singing a song, killing time with the crew They’re right when they summon Jehovah When it happens, we will all be saved Tumbling around inside a cave I’ve been taking a break to correct the mistake I made when I butchered your name I’ve been drinking a shake made from plants and cake I ate when you finally came Things were awkward and you were so brave It is so dark, save me from this cave And if I fall, they’ll never find my soul Ancient walls keeping out the cold I’ve been hanging around hometowns that I don’t know now cuz they’re rusty and old I’ve been trying new sounds, getting down with a new school crowd turning shit into gold When it happens, we will all be rich Turning that old cave into a ditch And when it falls, you will hear the sound Crumbling walls, people gather ‘round And when they sing, you better behave It’s not cool to gloat about the cave
5.
When the yellow brick road can’t take you home, you better hitch a ride from a garden gnome It’s all right here in this ancient tome: “Hair falls out, you forget your comb” If you wanna join the club, ur in(e) There’s just one rule, one mortal sin: When you have a glass of gin, you better hold your pouch, lest your body win Otherwise, we’ll leave you there Cold and damp and dark and bare Breaking the Seal You’re stuck in there for life Breaking the Seal You’ll never find a wife Breaking the Seal We’ve trained our mortal flesh Breaking the Seal We’re seeing through your mesh If you think the pain of a thousand knives is worse than losing a thousand wives, think again; reconsider: “If thou can’t hang, doth find a shitter” Our crusade will last the night It’s not just knights one has to fight Each of us contains two wolves: one is brown, one yellow and bright But if you feed the wrong chimera, we’ll take our things and leave you there Breaking the Seal You’re stuck in there for life Breaking the Seal You’ll never find a wife Breaking the Seal We’ve trained our mortal flesh Breaking the Seal We’re seeing through your mesh Bartholomew— You’ve proven yourself worthy of respect You have vanquished the mighty foe, and we’re finally safe at home You can let your guard down, now So release all you have to release, all you have kept in Let it flow Freely, Bartholomew Freely as our gin Breaking the Seal You’re stuck in there for life Breaking the Seal You’ll never find a wife Breaking the Seal We’ve trained our mortal flesh Breaking the Seal We’re seeing through your mesh
6.
Discount Dale begging for my love Discount Dale has a bone to pick Discount Dale needs to sell a bed Discount Dale keeps on getting sick Cuz Coupon Clay and Half-Off Haley make his coffee in a chemical tub They take his money, it’s not funny Discount Dale’s got an iron lung Discount Dale, hear him cry for help Discount Dale, 2.5 on Yelp Discount Dale always tries his best Discount Dale, you can take a rest Get high on your own supply of mattresses for matricide Covered in some plastic wrap, it’s cheap American crap I sit and watch my father die because he bought into your lies Coupon Clay and Half-Off Haley: I dare you to stare into those eyes Discount Dale, take it from your son
7.
I thought I journeyed far and wide, where the poets couldn’t reach I was sure, what my soul explored, no teacher could teach But it’s just ordinary sadness that I feel and nothing in this world is quite as real, uh huh I wrote songs, singing all day long as if I had seen it all I could swear what they saw down there was a shadow on a wall And it was only I who had seen the sky that I could not explain Till you laughed and said, “All the living and the dead have felt your pain cuz it’s just ordinary sadness that you feel and nothing in this world is quite as real, uh huh” I would run from the pain I felt, there was no escape Now I stand and I stare it down in its stupid face cuz it’s just ordinary sadness, after all and we are all but shadows on a wall
8.
To prevent further heartbreak, close your eyes I will tell you when it’s clear No more jump scares, no more fear You may have lasting issues of the mind This is normal, but call a doc if you start to feel the shock To prevent further heartbreak, doc prescribed better pills, cheaper thrills and a whole new set of eyes You’ll be fine, you can see the world so clear without me here To prevent open wounds, they recommend that old flame around the bend Hold it close against your skin This may cause complications of the head, but it won’t awake the dead Simply hold onto your sin Doctor said I can go, now that I’m cured better than he has ever seen before in his ten thousand years of medicine It went wrong, wrong again, and again But I’m not so sure To prevent further heartbreak, stop the car Look around you, you are one with the Earth and with the Sun
9.
There’s a long black hair circling my drain, trying to remind of the pain And there’s a long black hair on my toilet seat and I bet there’s even more between my sheets Why did you leave your DNA right where I can see it, getting ready for my day? Please, could you come collect your specimen? It’s making me all sneezy and there’s no one here to bless them There’s a long black hair hiding on your head, itching to escape into my bed and when you’re not aware, it makes a daring leap Now the rest will follow just like sheep Why did you leave your DNA right where I can see it, getting ready for my day? Please, could you come collect your specimen? It’s making me all sneezy and there’s no one here to bless them Everybody! There’s a long black hair in my kitchen drawer wondering who all these forks are for And there’s a short blonde hair in your living den wondering if they will meet again Why did we leave our DNA right where we can see it, getting ready for our day? Please, could you come collect your specimen? It’s making me all sneezy and there’s no one here to bless them
10.
Get your stuff on a winter evening Drive your car through the snow Meet your friend in a different city Everything must go Laugh alone, cry with others The light of your phone under the covers A beautiful breakup It’s a beautiful breakup Beautiful breakup for me and you Talk outside with a mask over our nose We first met over FaceTime In your car, there are thousand year old clothes but I know it’s the right time Laugh alone, cry with others The light of your phone under the covers A beautiful breakup It’s a beautiful breakup Beautiful breakup for me and you It’s a beautiful breakup Beautiful breakup Beautiful breakup for me and you Beautiful breakup…
11.
New tonight at 8, there are an abundance of tarantulas right now on Mt. Diablo in the East Bay. Officials say it’s mating season, and they are busy. It’s tarantula mating season A thousand spiders looking for love Tarantula mating season May they be blessed by the stars above I’ve never mated before and I’m getting scared Everyone’s watching me and I am not prepared No, let’s postpone it, I bemoan Let’s just go home Then I remember, it’s November It doesn’t get much better than Tarantula mating season A thousand spiders looking for love Tarantula mating season May they be blessed by the stars above I AM A GOD A KING AMONG ARACHNIDS I DONT REALLY KNOW IF I AM QUITE READY TO HAVE KIDS PRAISE ME SAVE ME STICK IT TO THE MAN EVERYONE GETS LAID IN TARANTULA LAND I’m getting older and my death is growing near I’ve had a million kids, and that was just last year I’m feeling beat from the sheets and the summer heat So now, it’s your turn, are you sure? “Yes I’m sure” It’s tarantula mating season A thousand spiders looking for love Tarantula mating season May they be blessed by the stars above I AM A GOD A KING AMONG ARACHNIDS I DONT REALLY KNOW IF I AM QUITE READY TO HAVE KIDS PRAISE ME SAVE ME STICK IT TO THE MAN EVERYONE GETS LAID IN TARANTULA LAND Some of the females actually kill the males after mating. Yep, it’s spider sexy time ;) It’s the stuff science fiction movies are made of! One time I was going down Fourth Street, and it’s, it was right in the middle of the road, just walking like a car would. Male tarantulas live only about three to four years while the females can actually live for more than thirty years. Because they kill the men!
12.
I’m sick and tired of cordial kisses I wanna be swept off my feet And when I start to burn the bridges I wanna feel the heat I know that there’s somebody out there with the same disease as me They said I had to journey down where the river meets the sea The river meets the sea Whatever happened to romance? Where has it gone in the meantime? Stare in your eyes wearing no pants Feeling so cold in the heat light I want to meet in the bookstore Lean in real close, “Whatcha reading?” Drag my shirt down to the hard floor Kiss me so hard that I’m bleeding (Kiss me so hard that I’m bleeding) I’m sick and tired of cordial kisses I wanna be swept off my feet And when I start to burn the bridges I wanna feel the heat I know that there’s somebody out there with the same disease as me They said I had to journey down where the river meets the sea The river meets the sea I get so bored in the morning I’ve looked at ten million faces The same old customs of courting The same old two or three places I wanna kiss through our facemasks I wanna catch your variant I wanna watch the playback What’s love if you’re not sharing it? (What’s love if you’re not sharing it?) Got nothing to do, so I might as well kiss you But every time I do, I feel so sad I fantasize about the look inside your eyes if you knew that I was never coming back (I’m never coming back) I’m sick and tired of cordial kisses I wanna be swept off my feet And when I start to burn the bridges I wanna feel the heat I know that there’s somebody out there with the same disease as me They said I had to journey down where the river meets the sea The river meets the sea
13.
Obituary job post in the paper: A man just died and his job is free He left two children and an office His wife is sad and they’re hiring He can’t work no more, no more Apparently, he worked quite often They put his stuff in a box by the door and they put his body in a coffin I apply, they want to meet me They make sure I have a pulse If my buttocks fills the seat, they’ll be giving me a call I start work for the rest of my days And most nights, but that’s expected I think of you and the kids we could raise I think of the life I could’ve protected Obituary job post on a website Now I see it all so clear If this is your hill to die on, you better bring a case of beer Now I live in your thoughts and the trees Hanging with my predecessor No vaccine for eternal disease No reform for the oppressor
14.
Pack your things and go before we both start crying You already know that our world is dying Drive into the snow for a sense of closure Everything must go after an exposure The road ahead is long and dark and I forgot my glasses But if I can recall the spark, I might just save our asses You’ll always be my baby Into the abyss, at least we have each other Fumble in the dark, a foot and then another One hand on the wall, the other on your shoulder I can’t see at all, I guess I’m getting older The tunnel ends and there’s the light but we can’t go into it I look into the mirror on the wall and see right through it You’ll always be my baby I’ve never done this before and I don’t think that I’ll ever do it again So savor it, and even if we can’t be friends You’ll always be my baby

about

This is the final album in my “Pandemic Songs” trilogy. I started this music project during the pandemic when I was gifted endless free time thanks to unemployment, so I challenged myself to record an absurd amount of songs to make the most of it (each album was cut down from over a hundred recorded songs). I did not set out to make it a trilogy, but when the pandemic rudely didn’t stop after I finished the first album, I figured I might as well keep going.

For the first two albums I would make songs rigorously, forcing myself to write every day and constantly turning disparate voice memos into cohesive ideas like a song factory. This got pretty tiring, and since I had proved to myself I could churn out a bunch of songs, I realized it was now more important to have fun.

I recorded this third album over the course of 9 months, and ended the relationship I was in about halfway through recording, so it became a breakup album (at least in the second half). This is not a mean breakup album, though. It is not sour*, and there is no blood on any of the tracks**. It was my hope to make the kindest, most loving breakup album I could. A relationship celebration album.

The pandemic may not be over but I’m certainly over with the pandemic trilogy and looking forward to trying new sounds with the next album. This record feels to me like the pinnacle of what I can achieve with a certain kind of style, and the culmination of a series of huge changes in my life.

This album was originally called The Last Songs in the World but I felt that was too depressing and doomer-y, so I changed the title. Please enjoy: The First Songs in the World.

*Olivia Rodrigo
**Bob Dylan

credits

released February 3, 2023

All songs written and recorded by Andrew Haworth
Mastered by Todd Tobias

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Where Is Your Dog Now? Los Angeles, California

Where Is Your Dog Now? is an alt-rock music project by Andrew Haworth based in Los Angeles. He has recorded hundreds of songs since its inception. Each album is a “greatest hits” compilation of these songs, constructed in large part based on feedback given by his mother. Haworth experiments with a wide range of genres, but most of his songs end up sounding like power-pop, and that's okay. ... more

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