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about

This was the 45th song recorded for the album. Given a long enough timeline, in any recording session I will attempt a few heavy metal songs. I’m always surprised when my mom likes any of them, especially this one. She said she enjoyed the mythic lyrics and I said, “Do you like how it’s about trying to hold your pee when you’re drunk?” And she said, “What?” Some of you may know what the phrase “breaking the seal” means. I first heard it on one of Ken Jeong’s doctor Q&A videos on YouTube where he debunks it as scientifically inconclusive. It reminded me of The World’s End and how so many bodily functions are turned into these mythical slang terms by bros, like “draining the one-eyed dragon” meaning peeing, etc. But all that is really just an excuse to make a heavy metal song. I’m praying it’s never co-opted by fraternities.

lyrics

When the yellow brick road can’t take you home,
you better hitch a ride from a garden gnome
It’s all right here in this ancient tome:
“Hair falls out, you forget your comb”
If you wanna join the club, ur in(e)
There’s just one rule, one mortal sin:
When you have a glass of gin,
you better hold your pouch, lest your body win

Otherwise, we’ll leave you there
Cold and damp and dark and bare

Breaking the Seal
You’re stuck in there for life
Breaking the Seal
You’ll never find a wife
Breaking the Seal
We’ve trained our mortal flesh
Breaking the Seal
We’re seeing through your mesh

If you think the pain of a thousand knives
is worse than losing a thousand wives,
think again; reconsider:
“If thou can’t hang, doth find a shitter”
Our crusade will last the night
It’s not just knights one has to fight
Each of us contains two wolves:
one is brown, one yellow and bright

But if you feed the wrong chimera,
we’ll take our things and leave you there

Breaking the Seal
You’re stuck in there for life
Breaking the Seal
You’ll never find a wife
Breaking the Seal
We’ve trained our mortal flesh
Breaking the Seal
We’re seeing through your mesh

Bartholomew—
You’ve proven yourself worthy of respect
You have vanquished the mighty foe, and we’re finally safe at home
You can let your guard down, now
So release all you have to release, all you have kept in
Let it flow
Freely, Bartholomew
Freely as our gin

Breaking the Seal
You’re stuck in there for life
Breaking the Seal
You’ll never find a wife
Breaking the Seal
We’ve trained our mortal flesh
Breaking the Seal
We’re seeing through your mesh

credits

from The First Songs in the World, released February 3, 2023

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Where Is Your Dog Now? Los Angeles, California

Where Is Your Dog Now? is an alt-rock music project by Andrew Haworth based in Los Angeles. He has recorded hundreds of songs since its inception. Each album is a “greatest hits” compilation of these songs, constructed in large part based on feedback given by his mother. Haworth experiments with a wide range of genres, but most of his songs end up sounding like power-pop, and that's okay. ... more

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